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“Anger Issues”

The past year I’ve been getting angry a lot and I mean a lot! I don’t physically hurt people but I break things, smash glasses, plates, shout, scream, argue, piss people off! Why? I don’t know! Recently my “anger issues” have been so bad leading me to go to therapy. OK! So I just googled “Anger Issues” and it’s come up with emotional symptoms of anger-related Problems.. constant irritability, rage and anxiety are possible emotional symptoms”.

So here I am every Monday or Wednesday morning to see my “therapist” talking about crap! Giving and showing me ways to deal with my “anger issues” and how my week was. Let me tell you this week has been so shit like so shit! I have avoided doing my uni work or anything productive. I’ve just sat at home literally feeling sorry for myself! I’m not going to go through the crap I’ve been through and what I’m going through no one really cares or even gives a shit! I think one of the reasons why I am angry is because it’s not fair! Why do I have to go through this crap and pain like do I deserve it? Am I a bad person? My constant headaches and can’t forget these cool nose bleeds! I don’t think any of you will understand what I’m talking about but hey I don’t really care!

So! What’s good in my life right now? Lol! Urm… I think one way which helps me with my anger is exercise! I go running every morning which fucking helps! I do karate (hell yeah don’t mess with me), I swim and I’m at the gym pretty much every day!. If any of you do have anger issues I recommend the above things! Let me know how it goes for you! I’m a nice person really with a really good heart honestly! I’m writing this because I’m procrastinating doing my work! YOLO! Because that’s the motto I live by! Oh I enjoy watching Masterchef I live for Wednesdays! Joke I do have a life! (I don’t). OK! What else do I like about my life? Well I graduate soon (Again) what am I doing after? I don’t actually know! And oh I recently starting to this guy who is a crazy dickhead like me I enjoy our conversations (Alan) in case you do read this just so you know! I think I’m going to leave it there for tonight! Ready to talk about my week with my therapist in the morning!

Mariam 🙂

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Not Giving a Fuck

Okay! I have a confession.

During most of my life up until a couple of months ago, I gave too many fucks about too many people, I cared too much about offending people, had the fear that they may not like me and spent a lot of time thinking what they would think of me! Yeah basically I was a pretty shit person.

So! I’m not here to give you guys a cure on how to stop giving a fuck, I’m just going to tell you guys some basic truth.

People judge and there is nothing you can do about it, someone is probably judging you right now and guess what? There is nothing you can do about it. I was one of those people that would say ‘I can’t stop worrying about what other people think of me’ I would constantly overthink! I would think there is nothing I can do about it as worrying is in my DNA! We give fucks because we don’t want to be bad people and eventually our lives and actions become shaped by how we think other people perceive us. FUCK! Even writing that made my head hurt! This needs to stop! We are humans we do care about what other people think but the real danger is when we begin to value their opinion and change our actions because of them. Many of us spend our days thinking what other people think about us. Truth is them people are probably thinking the exact same.

Let me tell you something! No matter what we do or what we say people will always judge us YUP! Everywhere we go and everything we do, but we cannot stop this from happening! However, we can stop it affecting our lives. Okay! Take a deep breath and think about this.. what is the worst thing that can happen when someone judges you for what you are doing??? And the answer is NOTHING! Absolute NOTHING!!! Everyone is sooo busy in their own damn lives to confront us! People are going to judge you whether you like it or not so why not stand up for what you believe in! You may as well express and tell the world how you really feel? right?

So how did I reach this not giving a fuck point!! This started when I lost people that meant the fucking world to me and I couldn’t do anything about it other than sit and watch. After losing close loved ones I had so much anger built inside me and I couldn’t suppress it any longer and that’s when I finally said it FUCK IT. I became honest with myself I just really didn’t care anymore I did not give a flying fuck. And you know what? I have never felt so happy in my entire life.

I was at a point in my life where I was so attached to the view of pleasing others that I forgot to look after my number one priority in life … (ME).

I realised when you stop giving a fuck, you become more invested in yourself. This basically means you live the life you want to live without caring what other people think.

LET me finish off by saying! THE PEOPLE WHO DON’T GIVE A FUCK ARE THE ONES THAT CHANGE THE WORLD

Love Mariam

Autism

What is autism? Autism is a brain disorder that limits one’s ability to communicate and relate to other people. People with autism may be more sensitive to everyday sensory information. The disorder varies from mild to severe that a person may be almost unable to communicate and may need round the clock care.

Today, the cases of children suffering from autism are coming to attention quickly because of awareness about it in the society and availability of its medical treatments with advancement in the medical science.

I don’t know what it feels like to be a parent of a child who has autism. I can’t even pretend to try and explain the thoughts and emotions that parents of children with autism go through on a daily basis. I can’t speak as an expert on autism. I have had experiences of working with children with autism. The thoughts I can share are from me and my experiences.

When you research about autism on google you will find some countless opinions, facts, stories, and statements. If you go and talk to twenty doctors, you will receive that many thoughts of autism. THE BEST EXPERT ON THE AUTISTIC CHILD IS THE CHILD.

Working with autistic children they may not be able to tell you the things you want to know. However, if you observe and study long enough and reflect often, you will be able to see the signs that the child is giving you. Every child is different, every child has likes and dislikes, every child has strengths and weaknesses. In order to learn how to teach the child, firstly we have to start to build a relationship with the child (This goes for any child).

Children with autism have ups and downs, they have good days and bad days. How can you not love a child who has autism? Have you ever thought about what would happen if you have a child with autism? How would you want your family and the world be supportive of your child with autism? Have you ever wondered what the parents of autistic children go through? How many sleepless nights they go without? How can you not love a child with autism?

I have worked with children who have autism. One thing is for sure children with autism make you view life differently and I love them for that. Every day is different.

Here is a little list why to love someone with autism:

  1. It could be a family member
  2. They have the same feelings and emotions as you
  3. They are intelligent and know as much or more as we know

Working with children who have autism I learn something new every day and my days are always full. What you learn about them can change your way of thinking. I still have lots to learn. I came home after my first day at work and told my mother that today I experienced working with a child with autism for the first time in my life and she said ‘When you accept and love the child for who they are, it will bring great joy to your heart helping them learn and seeing them grow’.

Love Mariam

 

My Beautiful City Istanbul!

(This was published on my old blog which I deleted, but this post meant a lot to me so I am reposting it)

What is terrorism? Honestly, I don’t have a great answer. But, I think we need to be careful about the word ‘terrorism’ and ‘terrorist’ to explain the actions of deranged individuals.

Yesterday, Tuesday 28th June 2016 Istanbul’s Ataturk international airport was attacked in a series of bomb explosions and gun shootings. Deaths have now risen to 41 (may they rest in perfect paradise) and a total of 239 people were injured. I sit here in England miles away with tears in my eyes mourning the lives lost where my heart lies.

This is the seventh major attack in Turkey since January, and the fourth attack in Istanbul. It comes just at the end of this holy and most blessed month of Ramadhan this shows that terrorism strikes with no regard for faith and values. As with all acts of war, Muslims are repeatedly forced to explain that Islam has nothing to do with terror attacks, that religion is not to be blamed but rather extremist groups.

My heart, thoughts, prayers and love goes out to everyone in Istanbul. I have many relatives and friends who live and are currently visiting this beautiful city (Please be safe).

I have a friend (Akin) who is currently on an Erasmus year abroad study in Istanbul, a few words he said this morning that really touched me and I would like to share with you guys (I hope you don’t mind Akin).

“This is the fourth suicidal bombing since January in this city”

“By checking in safe on Facebook doesn’t mean I’m safe, this happens often nowadays and it’s kinda worrying”

“People have to carry on with their normal and daily lives and shouldn’t be afraid of all this stuff”

“If I was scared I wouldn’t leave my house I’d sit in my house all day everyday people really shouldn’t be scared”

And he is right we shouldn’t be scared to travel, I know many travellers who have questioned their plans. I completely understand the reason to feel concerned but I don’t believe it should warrant enough fear to stop us from seeing the world!

Travelling allows us to gain knowledge and explore different cultures around the word. Part of me believes that the choice to travel is in some way standing up to extremists by saying ‘we are not afraid; this is our world too’. Istanbul is a beautiful city and I think everyone should visit once in their lives (anyways Akin please be safe! Whenever something happens in Turkey you are the first person I snap and I don’t even know why!)

I want to end by saying everyone please keep Istanbul in your prayers! Prayers and thoughts go out to the victims and their families.

Love Mariam

Happiness

What I’ve learned from life is that for every inch of sadness lies a foot of happiness ahead. There are a few things in my life that make me happy, things that make me warm inside and make me feel great joy from the bottom of my heart.

Got to admit 2016 was a pretty shit year. The highlight that I can think of was probably my graduation (Yes I graduated finally). There is one thing I have learnt, the world can be a very cruel place and happiness can be hard to come across. So I’ve made a list of the big and small things that make me happy!

Here is a list of both big and small things that make me happy.

  1. Coffee dates
  2. Harry Potter
  3. Hearing a baby laugh
  4. Minions
  5. Seeing other people succeed and be happy
  6. Going for a morning run
  7. Playing Tennis
  8. Holding a baby in my arms
  9. Travelling to new places
  10. Taking photos
  11. Planning adventures with my friends
  12. Hot chocolate with hazelnut syrup (with cream) from costa
  13. Buying new clothes
  14. Long drives at night
  15. Lying in bed with a cup of hot chocolate and watching my favourite films
  16. Reading books
  17. Hugging someone after not seeing them for a long time
  18. That feeling after submitting an assignment
  19. Visiting a loved ones grave
  20. The feeling when your food arrives at a restaurant
  21. Nandos
  22. Falling asleep in someones arms
  23. Getting into bed after a long day
  24. Jelly Bean soda
  25. Visiting museums
  26. The feeling after you’ve made someone smile
  27. Waking up to good morning texts
  28. Fundraising
  29. Cooking with the little kids
  30. Looking at old photos and reliving the memories

Well that is all I could think off I encourage you all to make a list of what makes you happy its very heart-warming!

Lots of Love

Mariam

 

My First Blog Post…. Hey Guys

This is the excerpt for your very first post.

SO, THIS IS ME!

Hey Guys,

I’m not entirely sure what I want my blogs to be about if I’m honest. However, I want to inspire people and make someone happy. One of the best feelings in the world is knowing that someone is happy because of you!

So, a little bit about me. I’m at that point in my life where I have no idea what I am doing with my life. I have recently graduated (July 2016) and I am currently doing my Masters in Education (which I am kind of regretting).

So what else! I like to travel, take photos, read, play tennis and run and oh I have a weird obsession with minions! (weird I know) AND I am a massive Harry Potter fan.

So yeah! If you guys have made it to the end of this!  Thanks for reading muggles!

Oh and feel free to follow me on twitter @mariamtk41 

Mariam